My Happy Ending
by Akire Rosales
Summary: This is what I deserve... this is my punishment.


**Akire Rosales**: Im writing this with my heart shattered to pieces because of the Soul Eater ending. Im butt-hurted, pissed off and disappointed. You have been warned

**Disclaimer**: I dont own Soul Eater, obviously, because I wouldnt have made such a shitty ending as the real owner did!

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**My Happy Ending**

When I was a child... I never read fairytale stories.

Back then, when I was just a toddler, the only story I was allowed to read was very simple. Just a simple story about killing people. It was everything I read, day after day, the same simple book over and over again.

My mother made it for me. She draw all of the little pictures, simple enough for me to understand it. She taught me to read, to fight, and even when I dont remember, I know she teached me to even walk. She fed me, took care of me when I was ill, she put a coat on my shoulders for the cold, she gave me shelter...

But that wasn't love.

I was just a puppet, her little experiment, nothing more but the necessary host of her true love: the black blood. This black blood, the black blood that poisoned my mind and shattered my sanity, the same black blood that is now my prison.

It hurts. Im trapped in here, in this darkness... I can't see a thing, I can't hear anything... I can only feel. I can feel the madness tearing my mind over and over again. I can feel the Kishin's thoughts invading my head, all the desire of destruction, all the chaos and despair. Its somewhat of an odd feeling... My brain feels like beaten to a bloody pulp, my thoughts... Are they still my own? Which one of all these thoughts are mine? Which one of these are from Asura? Are some of these from Ragnarok?

I can no longer hear Ragnarok.

I miss Ragnarok. I miss his yelling, his beating, his obnoxious voice and how he would remind me of how much of a wimp I am. Did I kill my partner too? Im sorry Ragnarok, I didn't mean to... I just wanted to enclosure the Kishin, to be of use... I just wanted to help.

No, that is not true. I am selfish; I am the child of a witch who knows nothing but destruction and death. I didn't try to help anyone, I am no hero... I didn't want to save the world...

I just wanted to save Her.

"Maka..." I can hear myself whisper, my voice echoing in this darkness, in this void filled with nothingness. The black blood squeezes me, vines and scarfs running through my body, keeping me attached to it, unable to move.

It hurts. My muscles are stiff and they sting, but they don't hurt as much as my head. How many days have passed? How many months? I can't tell... I can't see the light of the sun through the thickness of this darkness. No, the sun doesn't reach here, because I am trapped in the moon.

I miss the sun. I miss its warmth, its light... It's so cold in here. I'm naked, my bare skin exposed to the coldness of the black blood, the Kishin's black blood... my black blood. I'm trapped... Will somebody save me?

When I was a child, I never read fairytale stories. I never knew about princesses trapped in towers or the prince going to her rescue. I never knew about loyalty, friendship or love... Though she talked to me about love a lot.

She had always teased me with love, and I would blindly obey her just to obtain it. I've always wanted love... but it was something that was banned for me, I was not allowed to feel love, to be loved. She told me she would love me, when I finally reached perfection, when I finally turned into a wonderful child, she would love me.

And she did. With her last dying breath, with the last drop of blood leaving her body... she said she loved me. Her last words were for me, only for me... And they were "I love you".

But that wasn't love... was it?

All my life, I just wanted her to love me... I wanted my mother to love me, to be proud of me, to hold me close to her chest and hug me. I wanted her arms around me, I wanted to hear soothing words from her voice, to feel her fingers caressing my head. All my life I've just wanted to bury my face in her chest to feel safe, to feel loved. That is not happening, it will never happen...

Because I killed my mother, my only real bond in this world. I didn't love her, love is something I can't have, something I will never deserve. I don't know how to love, I don't know what love feels like... But I know she was my world. She was everything to me, my purpose, my reason of living... Because I existed for her, only for her...

I miss my mother. Even now, I crave to hear her cold voice... I even want to see her unforgiving eyes staring at me. I miss the silence of her company, or how she would smile at me when I did something right. I miss the sound of her naked feet next to me, I even miss her yelling. But I'll never hear her again, she is dead.

Now I know... Sometimes death is better. She won't have to suffer any punishment for her actions; she won't have to endure any kind of pain anymore. Because death is merciful, death is the ending of all pain and misery... something it seems I don't deserve.

This silence surrounding me... eating my sanity. I can't hear nothing but my own heartbeat, ringing through my ears. Like an everlasting drum, the sound of my heart is the only sound I can hear, my only music. If the heart beats by the second... could I calculate how long have I been here? Maybe I've been here for years...

How is She doing? Is She happy? Is She safe? Does She miss me?... Does She even remember me?

When I was a child, I never read fairytale stories, mostly because I didn't have access to any of them. When I met her, she was just one more soul I had to eat and nothing more. I was a puppet, too much of a robot to notice the spark in her emerald eyes, the light of her blonde hair, the sweetness of her voice.

Then I met her, truly, completely, undoubtedly met her... my Maka. As warm as the sun, as gentle as the breeze, her sweet voice would always soothe my panic attacks and put me at ease. Her soft touch, her fingers entwined with my own, her laughs. I still remember the nights she would spend with me, reading children stories from very colorful books.

Those stories had always the same things. A protagonist, a hero, a villain, and a happy ending. I've always liked the idea of happy endings... How, no matter how bad things look, there is always something better at the end. In Shibusen I thought I finally got my happy ending...

But that happy ending was snatched away from me. My Maka, my happiness, was snatched away from me. Because I am no protagonist, I am no hero or Prince Charming... No, I am the villain, and villains can't be happy, villains can't have happy endings. So, if I were to be a villain, I would be the baddest of them all... By then my sanity was already long gone.

I wish madness would take what little reminds of myself. I wish I wouldn't be able to think, to feel... I wish I couldn't remember what I've lost. I wish I couldn't remember Maka.

I miss Maka. Her company, her voice, her sweet scent and the warmth of her body. I miss her reassuring words, her laughs and smiles, I miss the way her hair moves with the wind and how she seemed to understand me just by looking into my eyes. I miss the touch of her soul, I miss my friend...

I wish I could see her... Just one more time. I wish I could hold her in my arms just one more time, I wish I could hear her one more time... Just one more time. But I know she is okay, I know she is safe... Because she is free and I am here, keeping the Kishin away from her, with my own blood. This was the right thing to do, this was the only way to save Maka, I regret nothing.

Is just that... I'm so lonely in here. There's nothing in here, nothing but my thoughts and this madness. I'm cold, I'm hurt, and I am so lonely... so lonely...

I just wanted to be loved...

But I can't be loved, love is something way too precious for me to have it, I just don't deserve it. I've never deserved it. Love is something unreachable for me, I'm too broken to be loved, too damaged...

I just wanted to have someone. Anyone, actually, just so I wouldn't be afraid anymore. My fear, my biggest fear, the fear of solitude, turned into a solid reality. I don't want to be afraid anymore. This solitude, this silence...

This place, filled with loneliness and void of Her.

"Maka..." I whisper, hearing the echo of my own voice traveling through this sphere of black blood.

I feel pain, but this pain is just too much for me to deal with it. I can feel a tear escaping my eye, running down my cheek, falling into the black abyss where Im trapped. This is a pain that comes from the depths of my chest, from my aching heart, from my dry dying soul. This is the pain of solitude, of loneliness, the pain of having no one but myself...

She said she would come back for me...

I believe in her. She'll be back; I'll see her again... I believe in her. I just have to wait, I just have to endure. No matter how long it takes for her, she'll come back for me, I'll see Maka again.

_"She has forgotten you..."_

She'll be back...

_"No one cares about you, no one even remembers you..."_

But it's so hard... I can hardly distinguish between my thoughts and the ones of the Kishin. She said she would be back for me, and I'll wait for her. For weeks, months, for as many years as it's needed. I'll hold on what's left of my sanity... Just to see her one more time.

I've merged with the Kishin, now his immortal life is my own. I feel hunger, but I can't die from starvation. I'm thirsty, but my body goes on even without a drop of water. I'm cold, yet my naked body goes through it... I am lonely, but the memory of her makes me go on... I can endure this, for her I will endure this.

"Maka..." I whisper to all this darkness, this madness. I'll protect her, I'll keep her safe, for as long as it takes. Does she still remember me? How many years have passed since I ended up here? There is no notion of time in here; I can't distinguish between an hour and a day... I can only see darkness.

_"She may be dead already, she is not immortal... maybe it has been a hundred years!"_

She said she would be back for me. I believe in her, she will be back. I have to endure, I have to be strong, I have to keep my courage... the courage she gave to me.

When I was a child I never read fairytale stories. What was that story about? That one with the princess sleeping for a hundred years? All the kingdom slept with her, until a prince arrived and kissed her, breaking the spell of the evil witch. Maka read that story with me... Maybe thats what is going to happen to me?

I don't want that to happen. That can't be my happy ending... I want to see Maka again. And she promised... She said she would be back for me, she said that... I believe in her, I'll wait for her, I'll see her again...

_"Didn't you say villains can't have happy endings? She left you, you'll rot in here for eternity"_

I am a villain. That is true... And villains can't have happy endings. No... This is my fate, this is what I deserve, this is my punishment, I dent understand expiation, or the concept of redeeming yourself... Achieving forgiveness? You can't achieve that, forgiveness is not something you can earn, is not that simple...

Sin stains, and my blood is black.

_"End it all, surrender to madness... You don't want to be alone for eternity, do you?"_

No, no I don't. I miss my friends, I miss Professor Marie, I miss the laughs and the warmth, I miss the sun on my face and the walks. I miss the breeze ruffling my hair, or the scent of flowers... above all I miss Maka. I'm just hanging here in darkness, trapped in my own blood, with nothing but my thoughts...

Are these my thoughts? Are these the Kishin's? Either way, that doesn't matter much... No matter what I think, I have to endure; I have to keep my courage... This courage given to me by her.

I'll keep you safe, Maka. I'll be your guardian through the night... I'm doing this for you. This loneliness, this pain, this waiting... is all for you. I'll be strong, for as long as it takes, until we see each other again.

You said you would be back for me. I believe in you, you'll come back. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I can wait... No matter how long it takes, I'll wait for you. Maybe then this pain... this loneliness will be over.

Maybe we'll find a way of leaving this abyss of solitude. Maybe then we can hang out again like we used to. Maybe we can watch movies and read fairytale stories again, where everyone have their happy endings.

Are you happy, Maka? Did you get your happy ending already? I hope you did, I hope you are ok and safe, and above all I hope you are happy. I'll keep your happiness safe, I'll keep your happy ending safe.

And then, when you return, maybe I'll have my happy ending too. Until then I'll wait. Through the hours, days... months and years. Here in this darkness, in this solitude, I'll wait for you. I'll endure, through this madness, I'll wait for you.

_"She won't be back, you are worthless, you are nothing, she already forgot about you"_

... Maybe she did. Maybe she forgot about me, who would remember me anyway? Trapped in a moon that can't be seen at night... Maybe that is true. But even if it is, is ok... It doesn't matter... because you are alright, Maka. You are happy and safe, enjoying your happy ending.

Is ok, I am ok with that too... Because you are alive, alive and happy, safe... And as long as this courage last, I'll keep you safe. This is my purpose, my destiny, this is what I am useful for... I'll protect you. Even through this loneliness, the memory of you keeps me company.

As long as I remember your face, your laugh, your smile, the shine of your eyes and your scent... I can endure this. I will endure this, this loneliness, this silence, this everlasting watch, this prison. For you, I'll keep my courage.

And maybe one day you will be back for me. Maybe one day I'll see you again.

Maybe one day, I'll have my happy ending too.

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**Akire Rosales**: Yep! Soul Eater is over, and everyone got their happy endings :D everyone but Crona, because fuck Crona that's why! Wasn't it the best ending of all timessss? It was! The good guys got the "Lived happy forever" and the villains got their well-deserved punishment! Everyone are happy!

Aren't you happy? Of course you are! They all got what they deserved!

I told you all I was butt-hurted. See you around and thanks for reading! DROP A REVIEW! Let me know what you think!

**REVIEWS!**


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